Ahh, orgasms and booze. Two of life’s greatest pleasures. Unfortunately, thanks to the dreaded condition known as “whiskey dick,” many men are forced to choose between one or the other.
Whilst some consider alcohol an aphrodisiac, the cruel irony is that the very drinks that help us unwind around potential sex partners can make sex more or less impossible.
We often find out the hard way that stiff drinks lead to soft dicks, otherwise known as alcohol-related erectile dysfunction.
When you’ve pulled and it’s finally time to perform, your penis lets you and your partner down … quite literally.
Here are 6 things to know about Whiskey Dick
1. It’s Just Booze Being Booze
When you think about what alcohol does to your mind and body, what it does to your dick makes perfect sense.
Alcohol is a depressant that quashes the central nervous system, affecting everything from motor skills and coordination to memory.
It’s also a sedative, which is why it works so well to relax us when we’re trying it on with whoever catches our fancy.
These funny, fuzzy side effects slow all our bodily functions down, including the sex hormones that trigger blood flow to the penis.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t bode well for getting a boner — let alone keeping one.
Bottom line: If you’re having trouble standing upright after a night on the tiles, don’t be surprised if your dick has the same problem as you.
2. It’s Not Just Whiskey That Causes Whiskey Dick
Any kind of booze can prevent you from successfully laying the pipe.
It doesn’t matter if you’re downing fine wine or cheap beer, Aftershock or alcopops — they all have the same dulling effect on the central nervous system, and thus, the dick.
A more accurate term would be “alcohol penis,” but that’s not quite as catchy or clever.
3. It’s Unpre-dick-table
There’s no way to know for sure how many drinks will cause your wang to stop working.
Too many factors are at play, like lack of sleep, stress, age, metabolism and genetics.
It might even vary from week to week, or day to day. Someone might get a lazy lob after a pint of lager one night and go flaccid from five shots of Fireball the next.
If you want to avoid these mishaps, moderation is your only option.
4. There’s No Coming Back From Whiskey Dick
Once you’ve got whiskey dick, you might as well call it a night.
Trying to resurrect a comatose cock by rubbing, squeezing or pulling it harder is like trying to start a campfire with a wet log.
It’s just not happening.
The only cure is to let the body metabolise the booze overnight and try again sober.
5. It’s (Usually) Temporary
The good news is that once all the giggle juice has cleared your system after a good night’s sleep, your dick should be back up and running again and ready for the next round.
Occasional booze-induced impotence is perfectly normal, and it can affect men from all walks of life. However, if you’re having a problem getting it up regularly, with or without the company of John Barleycorn, it might be time to seek medical advice. It could be a sign of a more serious underlying health concern, like high blood pressure.
Years of boozy benders might also be to blame.
If a man’s erectile function is diminished by heavy drinking habits over time, it doesn’t always come back so easily.
Moreover, long-term alcohol abuse can cause permanent damage to the testes, hindering testosterone production and sexual performance.
Guys who have sworn off the sauce are known to experience ongoing sexual dysfunction for quite some time after stopping.
6. It’s 100% Preventable
If you’re on the suds and hoping to get off at some point, the key is to know your limits, and stick with them.
You never know — that final shot of Dutch courage at the end of the night might be the one that shuts down your dick.
