Last Updated on 18th August 2021 by Charlie Walsh
Learn how to approach someone properly
If someone is on a night out and clearly having a great night with their friends, it might not be the best time to approach them. Perhaps hang back until they are at the bar waiting to order a drink or taking a break in the seating area. Once you go over and speak, take a few moments to assess their reaction. Do they seem pleased that you came over? Are they open to having a conversation? Are they smiling or do they seem uncomfortable?
This can take a little practice to get right, but don’t be disheartened if you don’t get the reaction that you were hoping for. Simply wish them a good night and walk respectfully away. Who knows, someone else in the room might be plucking up the courage to approach you!
Avoid chat up lines
‘Hi, I’m Mr Right. Someone said that you were looking for me?’
‘Am I dead, I am looking at an Angel’
‘Get your coat, you’ve pulled’
Are you cringing yet, I certainly am. Chat up lines rarely get the reaction that you’re hoping for and will probably turn your potential date off more than it will turn them on. It will get the other persons attention, but for all the wrong reasons and you’ll probably be going home without that all-important telephone number.
Use the surroundings as a conversation starter
A great way to start a conversation with the opposite sex is to do it organically, so it’s natural. Whist standing at the bar, find something unusual about the room and use it to start a conversation. It could be anything from an unusual item of décor, a historical piece, an event that they are running, or even the long waiting times at the bar. Use your imagination. Even if it isn’t the most interesting way to start a conversation, it gives you the opportunity to exchange polite chit chat, gauge their reaction and continue the discussion if they appear interested in doing so. Because it is the general small talk that occurs between strangers in general, you will be less embarrassed if the person has a
partner or doesn’t seem interested.
Stay up to date with current events
Current events are a fantastic opportunity to start a conversation because you can talk about them anywhere. Social media platforms such as Twitter offer a trend hashtag so you can seat a glance what people are talking about the most. Trends can be anything from celebrity spats to frontline politics, national disasters and business news, so there is something to pique the interest of everyone. If you don’t use social media, read the newspapers and watch the news. They are full of excellent conversation starters.
Ask for their opinion
People just love giving their opinion so it’s a great way to start a conversation. An example could be that you’re standing in a queue for Starbucks, and you ask what they think of their new flavoured coffee as you’re thinking of trying it out. As your talking, you will be able to gauge their reaction and carry on the conversation if they appear happy, comfortable and engaging. If you’re somewhere that doesn’t sell food or drink, you could start a light conversation on the area where you are. Perhaps ask them if they recommend any places to eat, or where you can buy something.
Use funny anecdotes and ask questions
Once the conversation is flowing, keep things light and interesting by using funny anecdotes and talking about relevant topics. This will show your potential date that you’re an interesting person and that you care about the things happening in the world. Ask the person questions about themselves and listen to their answers. This will help you to understand more about the individual before you decide to ask them for their number.
Try lower impact ways to meet people
Social awkwardness and a lack of confidence are huge factors in preventing people from talking to someone from the opposite sex. One of the biggest barriers is that we spend so much time at work, home and on social media that talking face to face is something that we don’t do as much anymore.
As a result, people feel clumsy and out of practice. Build up your confidence by seeking out lower impact ways of meeting new people and practising the art of conversation. Some great ways to meet new people are:
• Join a gym
• Take up a new hobby
• Join a book club
• Volunteer
• Accept invitations to parties
• Try online dating
• Speed dating
• Singles nights
• Take part in a sporting event
Fake confidence if you don’t have it
The secret to chatting to members of the opposite sex is to be confident, but for some that is easier said than done. Beyoncé fakes her confidence on stage by adopting a persona, Sacha Fierce. Whilst this might seem a bit extreme for a quick trip to the supermarket, the same rules apply when trying to muster up the confidence to talk to a member of the opposite sex. Try to imagine yourself as someone else and act more confident than you feel. As with anything, the more you do it the easier it becomes. Practice chatting to different people in all different types of settings and your confidence will start to increase. You’ll find it much easier to strike up a conversation with a potential date after a bit of practice.
