It’s the question people Google at 2am, ask anonymously in Reddit forums, or sheepishly bring up in couples therapy: how often do couples have sex? Not because we’re nosy (okay, maybe a little), but because sex is one of those things where nobody tells you what’s “normal” – and you’re left to figure it out while comparing yourself to rom-coms, your friends, and porn. (Spoiler: none of those are helpful.)
Some couples do it every day. Others are happy with once a week. Some haven’t touched each other in six months and are weirdly fine with it. So, what’s typical? What’s healthy? And how do you know if you’re getting enough – or giving enough?
How Often Is Enough?
The answer you probably don’t want but need to hear? It depends – on age, stress, health, kids, emotional connection, physical desire, and whether your Wi-Fi is strong enough to stream Netflix in bed. In other words, frequency varies wildly – and what’s “enough” is less about averages and more about alignment between you and your partner.
Still, we know you’re here for numbers. So let’s talk averages.
- Married couples tend to have sex about once a week, according to data from the General Social Survey (GSS).
- Couples in their 20s and 30s generally report more frequent sex – sometimes 2–3 times a week – though this tapers off with age.
- Long-term relationships often experience a natural dip in frequency after the honeymoon phase, especially after year 2–3.
- Couples with kids (especially young ones)? Yeah, they’re lucky if it happens once every two weeks – and even then, it might involve a white noise machine and a lot of scheduling.
Bottom line: once a week seems to be the magic number in the data – but that doesn’t mean less is bad or more is superior. The real question is: are both of you satisfied?
What the Science Says
When it comes to sex and frequency, researchers have tried for decades to define what’s “healthy,” “average,” or “ideal.” Spoiler: they still haven’t agreed – but their attempts are enlightening.
One study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that once a week is the sweet spot for maximizing happiness in romantic relationships. Any more than that? Didn’t move the needle much. Any less? Associated with slightly lower levels of relationship satisfaction – but only if one partner wanted more.
Another large study from the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people in relationships tend to report sex about 54 times a year – just over once a week – but with massive variability based on age and relationship length. In fact, the longer a couple had been together, the more the frequency dipped, especially without intentional effort to maintain intimacy.
Meanwhile, a Journal of Sex Research paper highlighted the concept of “sexual set points,” suggesting that couples often settle into a frequency that feels natural – and the stress of trying to match cultural expectations may actually lower desire.
And perhaps most telling? Researchers at The Kinsey Institute found that communication, not frequency, was the strongest predictor of sexual satisfaction. In other words, how often isn’t nearly as important as how honestly you talk about what you both want.
Are You Having Enough Sex?
Let’s flip the question: are you satisfied? Are you craving more – or less – and do you feel comfortable saying that out loud?
If one person is quietly resentful while the other thinks everything’s fine, that’s where the cracks form. Not because you’re incompatible – but because unspoken needs create distance. Over time, distance becomes routine. And routine becomes drought.
So instead of asking if you’re doing it enough, ask:
- Are we connected sexually and emotionally?
- Do we both feel seen and wanted?
- Do we feel safe being honest about our needs – and listening to each other’s?
And if the answer is “not really”? That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you might need to explore new ways to bring intimacy back – sexually, emotionally, physically.
Why Do Couples Stop Having Sex?
Let’s get real. Life gets in the way – and libido doesn’t always play fair. Here’s what most commonly influences how often couples are actually having sex:
1. Stress
It’s a libido killer. Deadlines, bills, arguments, burnout – they all make sex feel like one more thing to do, instead of something to enjoy.
2. Physical Health
Low testosterone, chronic illness, hormone imbalances, medications – they all affect arousal, erection quality, and stamina. If your body’s not cooperating, it’s hard to want it.
3. Emotional Closeness
Sex without intimacy can work for a while. But for long-term relationships, emotional connection is often the fuel for desire.
4. Life Stage
Newborns, demanding jobs, menopause, aging – all bring changes. The question isn’t whether it changes, it’s whether you adapt together.
5. Sexual Confidence
If you’re insecure about your performance, size, or stamina, you’re less likely to initiate – or enjoy – sex. What makes our penis pumps unique is that they help men build physical confidence and get back in the game, all without surgery, pills, or anything dodgy you might have found from a pop-up on Pornhub.
Can More Sex Actually Improve Your Relationship?
Short answer: yes – but not if it’s forced. Sex creates a feedback loop of connection, affection, and satisfaction. When it’s good and consistent, couples tend to report stronger emotional bonds, more resilience during conflict, and higher overall happiness.
But when it feels like a chore? Or becomes a battleground of unmet expectations? It backfires.
So instead of aiming for quantity, focus on quality. Be present. Be playful. Try something new. Or honestly, just have a proper makeout session on the couch. Even five minutes of tension-free touch can reset the vibe.
What to Do If You’re Out of Sync
One of you wants it all the time. The other could go a month and not notice. This is so common – and so fixable if you talk about it properly.
- Start with curiosity, not criticism. “Hey, I’ve been feeling a bit disconnected lately, and I miss that part of us” lands way better than “You never touch me anymore.”
- Figure out what’s behind the mismatch. Stress? Insecurity? Boredom? Hormonal issues? All valid – and often solvable.
- Explore ways to rebuild closeness. It might not start with sex. It might start with sleep, better food, a walk, laughter, or just putting your phones down.
- Try scheduled sex – no shame. Some people hate the idea, but it works. Not because it’s spontaneous, but because it guarantees space for intimacy in a world that rarely hands it to you.
Final Thoughts: Stop Chasing “Normal”
The truth is, there is no perfect number. Once a week is average – but what matters is whether you two are happy with what’s happening (or not happening) between the sheets.
If you’re both content, aligned, and feeling good? Great. Keep doing you.
If something feels off, dry, or disconnected? Don’t panic – do something. Talk. Touch. Try something new. Sex doesn’t have to be constant. It just has to be meaningful. And if you’re willing to show up for it, it’ll show up for you.
References
Social Psychological and Personality Science. “Sexual frequency and happiness: Is more always better?” https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1948550615609734
Archives of Sexual Behavior. “National Survey of Sexual Behavior: How often do Americans really have sex?” https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-016-0826-6
Journal of Sex Research. “Sexual set points and relationship satisfaction.” https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224499.2019.1589264
Kinsey Institute. “The importance of communication in sexual satisfaction.” https://kinseyinstitute.org/news/2020/sexual-communication-study.php
